I am coming to the end of my 2 week stint in Jimmies hospital on I.V's. My breathing has remained stable since January which is reassuring I guess. I was hoping it would improve and I could push past the FEV 1: 50% mark... instead I remain at 45%, steady and consistent.
In April 2007 I as over 60%, the unreachable goal that I aspire to!
What does this all mean? Well, at the beginning of this year I announced to Neddy, my husband, that this year was to be the Lunn year of efficiency! Everything that could be done well, we should strive to do to the absolute best of our ability. On some levels it has helped and on others it has failed spectacularly! But where on the line of success do I place my health?
I guess somewhere around the 55% mark of success. I haven't deteriorated, neither have I pushed my body and achieved the goals I set out for. More importantly... where does God fit into all of this? I keep asking him, do you want me to have a baby, Lord? But I don't hear or feel any sense of an answer. I guess that is my impatience and lack of commitment towards him.
Yet Abraham and Sarah's story keeps cropping up. Sarah Laughed at the visitors suggestion that she would have a baby at such an old age. The odds were truly against her. The odds are against me. I keep trying to align my desires with God's desires for Myself and Ned, but it is so so hard to do when my heart quickens every time I hold another new born baby, created by close friends.